To live one’s life free from the undue influence of substance, habits, individuals, groups, or ideologies. This is my new definition of recovery.

Many years ago, that definition was very different; recovery then meant attending meetings, total abstinence from drugs and alcohol, and strict adhérence to the rules of my sponsor and the long-timers ‘in recovery’. Certainly, because I now might have two or three drinks per year, some of these might say I’m no longer sober; others might suggest that I never really had a problem. I, on the other hand, see things s little differently.

In many recovery programs, there is a problem. The problem is one of definition, and one of control. To me, the definition of recovery is “to restore a person to a state of health”. If we are ill, we are unable to do what we could do prior to entering the state of disease. When I was in the throes of drug and alcohol addiction, that is what controlled my life. I needed substance to cope.

Later on, I joined a twelve step recovery community. My first sponsor remains a dear friend, and I credit that community with saving my life. However, I see a fundamental flaw in the way such programs work. The model of most of these programs does not lead people to walk on their own alone; instead, one becomes as dependent upon the group as one was on the substance one had been addicted to. Worse, many groups are utterly cult-like, convincing members that their disease of addiction is growing underneath, and should they leave, it will take hold once again, and with renewed and unrestrained vengeance.

This, to me, is not recovery; it is most certainly not freedom.

And so, I used the twelve step program to rid myself of that addiction. I would never suggest that people try drinking or using drugs again; some people simply cannot do so safely.. but I am saying that replacing drug dependence with meeting dependence isn’t recovery any more than saying one is cured of a lung disorder if the ‘cure’ meant perpetual confinement in a hospital.

Recovery implies freedom. If a solution does not grant us freedom, it does not afford is a legitimate recovery. When the solution to being ensnared in s perpetual cycle of drug or alcohol abuse, habitual gambling, or some other compulsive behavior is perpetual attendance at meetings under threat of relapse, that’s simply neither recovery, nor cure, not freedom; it’s certainly an imposed pause in the unwanted behavior, and that’s admirable, but we long for more.